Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Farmville is her only friend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
