Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
