Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
