Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
