Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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