I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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