I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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