i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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