I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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