Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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