I want to make a zoo with you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
