I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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