I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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