1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
