We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Come on in and take your pants off
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