Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
