Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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