Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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