I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
