i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
