I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Congratulations! We have a period
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