Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
