o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
