I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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