there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
