I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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