I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
