I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
zippers are such a cool invention
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
