it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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