Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
