You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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