also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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