i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
