i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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