yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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