i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
