Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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