You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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