A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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