So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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