now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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