Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
