I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
