Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
