I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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