left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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