Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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