Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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