so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's blow job season.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
