"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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