Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My life is pants optional.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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