Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
