Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
