like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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