Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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