Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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