My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
