she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
