Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
