I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize