the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing