just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.