girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.