i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
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And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You've changed since you got that strap on