I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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