I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
