It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
