i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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