I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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