Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
