cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
