she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
