I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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