My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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