im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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