Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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