i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
